Can do it all. And modest to boot.

Idiocy in the kitchen

Posted: August 6th, 2009 | Author: alyssa | Filed under: Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Sorry its been a while, but I have been in the process of moving, so cooking hasn’t really been an option.  In fact, it still isn’t since all of my utensils are still in boxes.  However I thought I would share a lovely story with you all tonight.  Since I still have to eat despite my lack of kitchen function, tonight I decided to make a frozen pizza and crack a beer, because who doesn’t like pizza and beer after a long and terrible week.  For me, frozen pizza means Freschetta or Digiorno supreme pizza with extra mozzarella and pepperoni thrown on top.  Easy as cake right?  FALSE.  First, as I’m waiting for the oven to preheat I decide to crack open my first beer (Sam summer sampler was on sale…Glory).  Around that time I realize that I have no flipping clue where my bottle opener is…crap.  So I try several different implements of destruction, to no avail, then I see it: my flathead screwdriver.  This could work.  After a minute of prying and a close call with losing a thumb, I finally get the top to pop, with about 1/4 of the beer spilling on me and my new floors.  Awesome.  About 12 seconds later, while looking for a cookie sheet for the pizza, I find one of my bottle openers, of course

Anyway, back to the cooking (if you can really call it that)…So I preheat the oven, and prep the pizza with the extra toppings.  I put it on the only cookie sheet it fits on and put it in the over.  Wait. No. That cookie sheet apparently doesn’t fit in my new oven.  So I have to fish around through boxes for ANOTHER cookie sheet that is smaller.  I finally find one, put the pizza on it and I’m ready to do this.  After the requisite 30 min, I take it out and notice it has started to curl up on the edges.  Now, being both a foodie and a scientist, I realize this is NOT normal.  Until I notice that in my brilliant hurry for cheap food, I completely overlooked the cardboard that the frozen pizza rests on in its box.  Of course the dough has baked onto the cardboard so I ahve to do major surgery to remove it and hope that it is still edible because the only other thing I have in the house is rice noodles and booze.  Luckily it was still edible and pretty delicious.  However this experience has made me come to two major realizations.

1.  I can cook complex meals for a lot of people…but I can’t cook a freaking frozen pizza.  Can anyone say idiot savant?

2.  This move has turned me into a complete and total spaz, and I hope that I get my mind back before I have to enter another year of teaching America’s youth

I promise I will cook a real meal soon :)


7 Comments on “Idiocy in the kitchen”

  1. 1 Jesse said at 4:54 pm on August 8th, 2009:

    You obviously needed more beer before you cooked.

  2. 2 Adi said at 10:15 am on August 9th, 2009:

    HA. Love it. I do stuff this ridiculous, sometimes. I can also mess up making freaking FRIED RICE sometimes, even though I am completely awesome at like, CUSTARD. What the hell, right?

  3. 3 Johanna said at 10:38 am on August 9th, 2009:

    I’m still laughing about this.
    I can’t imagine you being quite this much of a spaz. But then again….. yeah I can.
    Thank you for posting this so I can read through it and hear you telling me the story on the phone whenever I’m having a rough day. :)

  4. 4 Matty said at 3:15 pm on August 9th, 2009:

    Good story. Thanks for posting. I like the scientist part. Hehe. Miss ya!

  5. 5 Leanne said at 5:09 pm on August 9th, 2009:

    First, I’m familiar with the cookie sheet dilemma as you know. Is your oven as teeny tiny as mine is? Second, seriously, with all the amazing things you cook your worried about the fact that you messed up a frozen pizza after a crappy week? On some of my best days I can still screw up boxed mac and cheese (which i know is blashpheme in itself according to you even when executed properly) so I wouldn’t call you an idiot savant because of one stress related mistake. It is nice to know however that even someone who cooks as well as you can make a mistake.

  6. 6 leah said at 6:11 pm on August 9th, 2009:

    awe! so glad to hear other people have “off” nights. i can’t tell you the number of times in the middle of making a meal i tell my husband, “let’s make pbj” or “let’s order a pizza.” no need making everyone suffer, i say :)

  7. 7 Paige said at 11:30 am on August 13th, 2009:

    LOL! That toally sucks, but a little roughage never hurt anyone :-) Hope your week gets better!

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